Okay, you probably figured that one out. But maybe not. I don't know, maybe you're thinking my name is Steph Aniestiles. It isn't. It's Stephanie Stiles -- although I've had enough nicknames to answer to pretty much anything. In fact, anytime I hear the word "loser," I automatically turn and reply, "Yes?" Ditto for "dufus," "dork," "d-bag," "bitch," and, of course, any of the variety of names that derive from the butt part of the body. Anyway, I wrote a couple of books (see Books page -- did I need to say that, or is that self-evident? I'm new the website concept here), and I'm hoping you'll read about them and want to buy one (two).

I have no idea how to answer that one. I guess I should say, "Books." I've read them, taught them, and, now, written them -- and that's kind of the point here. So, yup. I'll go with Books. Even though what I'm really tempted to say here is something aboutViagra orCharlie Sheenin order to trick people using unrefinedsearch enginesinto visiting my site and buying one (two) of my books.

Duh. Here. This website. While you are at your desk pretending to crank out your annual data forms or your TPS reports or your PTA snowchains or whatever it is you pretend to do at your desk on your computer for all those hours while your boss, your kids, or your husband looks on, amazed at your concentration, your efficiency, your productivity....

Now? Later? Four in the morning? It makes absolutely no diff to me -- in fact, I'm wearing stained yoga pants and an MC Hammer tee-shirt, as we speak -- so who am I to judge if you decide to sit down, boot up, and log on naked in the middle of the night. Hey, have at it. Until we Skype or webcam -- then, I think we should all agree that fruit and nuts need to be packaged. Agreed?

Ah, now this is a good one. Why? Natch. Because I want Reese Witherspoon orBeyonce to play me in the movie version of my life when it's written, produced, and directed by George Clooney, who will then, inevitably, want to marry me. I'll have to inform him that I'm married with a couple of kids, and that I can't just up and leave them -- it'll takea day or two. Then, I fly off to George's Italian villa with the Ocean's Eleven crowd. Minus Julia Roberts. Because, you know, pretty woman and all.

I'm not a logistics expert or a statistician; I'm not clever with numbers or heavy concepts; I'm not experienced or knowledgeable in the field -- but I know a thing or two about George Clooney. He only directs quality material. So, if you buy one (two) of my books, it won't hurt my chances at setting up residence at the ol' Villa Oleandra, Laglio, Italy. I mean, bestseller? Come on -- that'd beworthy of a glance in my direction, wouldn't it. I said, wouldn't it...?